Monday, May 11, 2015

F-U-D Food

So. I have an autoimmune disorder known as Hashimoto's Thyroiditis that is tearing me apart emotionally right now, so why not share? Glad you all see that the way I see it, thanks for the support.

There isn't a lot written about this despite it being the most common autoimmune disorder known to man or woman at the moment. It's not killing anyone, is probably why. Not a lot of institutions are studying it, and no pharma companies are running drug trials. This is because all it really does is fuck with your thyroid, many times for years or decades before being properly diagnosed. And even when it's caught there isn't much to be done. You end up going to an Endocrinologist who prescribes you some synthetic thyroid to treat the symptoms. That works, a little bit, for varying periods of time. But the shit doesn't go away, and you never get "better".

I was diagnosed in 2008, shortly after my wedding. My thyroid levels have never been stable for longer than 6 months at a stretch, so my dose is constantly being adjusted, blood work run, adjusted again, blood work... it's a maddening cycle. Even when the levels look "normal" (and this is a moving target, believe me, it has changed twice in the 7 years since my diagnosis) you don't feel right. 

There's a gut problem associated loosely with Hashimoto's, Some believe that a gluten intolerance may even cause it, but they don't really know. It's recommended that Hashimoto patients eliminate gluten from their diet. I did so, roughly 5 years ago, maybe even longer.

So, what is all this whining about then? Well, this. Gluten isn't the only thing that triggers a gut response that I am not willing or qualified to explain to you - suffice to say that it is referred to as leaky gut syndrome. I have a leaky gut. When I gave up gluten it seemed to get better for a while, then not so much. The main monkey business here is weight.

I can gain it, but I can't lose it. No matter what I do. Uber frustrating, right? You have no idea.

All of my life I have struggled mightily with my bloody weight. At my highest I tipped the scales at almost 200lbs, and at that time I was at the gym five days/week for at least an hour, ate 800 calories a day, and felt absolutely horrid. My hair came out in clumps, I didn't sleep well, I was always freezing - and my doctor told me to eat less and exercise more. It's demoralizing, let me tell you, to bust your ass and be told repeatedly that it's all your fault, that you have to fooling yourself about your diet and exercise, and that maybe you need to see a shrink.

At my lowest I have been at 125lbs, sickly looking, with dry hair and still unable to sleep or get warm. The A-HA here is that there was absolutely no difference in my diet or exercise - the weight loss came upon me just as the weight gain does; it happened without my input. The last time I lost a crap ton of weight was in 2001, I lost 60lbs in a month. This was the most extreme of my involuntary transformations, and it lasted for about 6 years. Then the weight started to come back on for no reason and I finally found a doctor who diagnosed me properly.

K, that's enough of that. I don't want to lose you or bore you or whatever, this just happens to be my main obsession in life. How does one lose weight with Hashimoto's? I found this today and have to print it to put on my refrigerator so that I don't forget. It will mean giving up some of the very, very, very few things I enjoy on this planet but maybe it will keep me from going over 170lbs, cuz that's where I am now, and I'm ready to jump off a bridge from the frustration of eating right, exercising and still gaining weight. Here it is. Good times. Have fun, me. Can't wait to start. Please shoot me.

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