Wednesday, August 19, 2015

One Hundred Days!!

Wednesday August 19th, 2015
Today is a celebration! 

I'm celebrating being 100 days into my new life and I thought this would be a great opportunity to do a summary of all the changes that have cascaded from what started out as an experiment. I had no idea that it would end up actually changing my life, or that 100 days later I would be ecstatic about it! 

In the interest of keeping it real, I'm going to list out the things I don't miss, the things I do miss, changes in my body, and my hopes for the future. I promise to keep it fun because this is a party! I love the dude on the end there with the bottle of Skyy vodka hanging out of his mouth...

Plus, I want to share with you my secret fear. It isn't much of a secret because I've uttered it to pretty much everyone I know, but here goes: I'm afraid of going to my favorite place, Disneyland, because I know I will cheat. I KNOW this, and I'm a little terrified, to be perfectly honest. I know I will want popcorn, and soda, and a giant caramel and chocolate covered apple in the evening, and I will want to eat the delightful gluten free foods they have from buns, to ice cream and fresh baked bread. Part of me thinks, yes, cheat! Go ahead. Do it once, this will be your exception, but don't come crying to me when you're dying for the next few days after. With that in mind, here is my prayer: Lord, please grant me the strength to avoid making bad food decisions even when "friendly" and familiar foods are desired. 

First things first, as the saying goes. Things are going to be changing around here after today. What will be changing, you ask? Allow me to outline the changes for you.

  1. I may not be posting daily, but will likely post on food introduction days and when there is something to write about
  2. I will no longer be obsessing over my weight on a daily basis. This was fine for a period of time, when I really needed to do so, but no one can live with that kind of pressure every day. What I will do instead is keep a chart by my scale, weight in a few times each week, and take the average. 
  3. Instead of obsessing about the number, I'm moving on to toning what I've got - building muscle and trimming the cruddy spots...
  4. I'm going to focus on healing... which is why I'm making the changes above. I've been focused on the elimination, deprivation, healing and introduction phases of my plan but I need to switch my focus to my overall health. Not to worry, I will continue to blog about it!

Things I don't miss:
Refined sugar and sweets - this one surprises me more than you can imagine! I like to smell them (and yes, I can) but I don't want to eat them
Popcorn - I have a very clear memory of how awful it makes me feel after I eat it. No thanks.
Not being able to poop - huge. This is huge for me after a lifetime of not pooping.
Self loathing and the blame spiral - speaks for itself, no? I was constantly blaming myself and hating myself for being fat and not being able to eat like a normal person. Why be normal anyway?
My clothes, even my fat clothes, not fitting - this is the long way of saying BLOATING, I suppose. Rings and watch too, I was always battling to get my rings on and off, and couldn't even try after a walk or workout - I would have such sausage fingers that there was no way.
Being hungry all the time but never satisfied!
Being tired all the time, even after sleeping 8+ hours.
Being gassy all the time
Being grumpy all the time
Being in pain after eating - for me this was mainly in the gut, but also to a lesser extent my joints, and near constant headaches
Never feeling awake, or energetic
My hair thinning and falling out like crazy
Feeling shitty, in general

Things I do miss:
Refined sugar and sweets - gotcha! I miss picking up a candy bar every now and then, but only once in a blue moon. Most of the time I'm 100% okay with not being able to have them.
Beer, martinis - yep, this is a big one. I miss having a Saturday evening martini with hubby before dinner, and I miss (gluten free) beer with chicken wings. Junk, I know. But manna want it just the same!
Simply ordering from a restaurant menu - I get weepy at the thought! I remember not having to ask what everything is made from, and not having to give a long list of forbidden items to a waiter every time I eat out. I'm also embarrassed for those with me as they have to sit through it all, and I'm sure they are inwardly rolling their eyes.
Grande non-fat lattes - oh my dear sweet baby Jesus, more than I can even express...
Pancakes and waffles - big time.

Lost lots of weight, rather easily (in hindsight). Score.
Regular bowel movements
And end to the constant bloating and snausage phenomenon!
Eczema cleared up
No more pimples on my chin, jawline and neck (I may never have mentioned this before, but it was a major problem - I would get these horrid, cystic zits that were painful and never came to a head)
Sleeping through the night, unless a dog gets sick or there's a spider threat
No more pointless fatigue, as in, I don't feel tired just because I'm alive, I have energy!
Healthy hair, nails and skin - a real first for me since my 30's! 
Improved memory
No more food cravings, sweet or salty, ever
I'm not hungry all the time! I eat what I need, I feel full and satisfied. It's amazing.
My moods have stabilized
Hot flashes are all but gone - a major improvement
... and I just feel a lot better, period. 

For the next 100 days, I hope...

That coffee works for me, because damn, a girl can go a long time without it but I still miss it terrible!

That some day in the foggy, distant future I sincerely hope that I can have milk once in a while. Even if it's grass fed so that I can make myself a latte, that would be heaven.

To tone my smaller body so that it looks better. That's pure vanity, I realize, but having bags of skin and cellulite hanging from my arms is petty demoralizing.

To have the strength to stick to this way of life. I think I will because of all the benefits, and I'm really learning a lot about food, local meat producers following the standards I need, and am in a groove with cooking - but I know how fragile this is, and how easily I can become derailed. 

To encourage and help others going through what I have been through. I know how hard it is, how utterly frustrating and embarrassing it is, how easy it is to become complacent and give up. 

And so, for now - a fond farewell that isn't farewell at all, stay strong, keep your powder dry and just remember: if I can do it, YOU can do it! KEEP IT UP! Loving yourself is the first step to healing!

1 comment:

  1. Kar my friend, you are sooo impressive and inspiring. I wish for you the strength to stick to this way of life. Thank you for encouraging me and sharing.