Saturday, October 1, 2016

509 Days In: A Big-ish Update

Saturday 10/1/2016

It has been quite the transformative fall thus far, and it ain't over yet. I'll synopsize:

The company I worked for was bought by another company.

The CEO of the new company turned out to be full of baloney. He claimed to raise funds that he never raised, and we were collectively broke, because the old company was about to shut down when we were bought. Come to think of it, I'm not sure how you buy a company if you don't have any money... but that's a different problem for a different blog.

The new company ended up being in terrible financial straits, and that right quick.

The new CEO flailed, listed to the wrong influencers, and fired people.

I was one of the people fired. Two-ish weeks ago.

Not fired-fired, mind you: terminated. Not for cause, but because they needed to cut costs.

The next morning hubby and I left for a long awaited weekend in the mountains.

I cried and got angry, communed with nature (and some large cattle) in the backcountry, and healed my soul a little bit.

We came home and I decided to turn this blog into a book. Yes, this blog. Exciting, no? Well it is to me. 

So that's what I've been working on ever since. I have become peaceful, happy, grateful, lighter of mind and de-stressed. I sleep until I wake up which, surprisingly, usually means that I'm up within 30 minutes of the time I used to get up to go to work. I take care of my dogs, have some tea, watch Columbo, eat breakfast, get the dogs outside, then back inside and bedded down for the morning, I wander up the stairs with a second cup of tea in my paw, shower, dress and sit down to write. 

Holy shit, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. The best - by a lot! - thing that's ever happened to me. Except for the supportive hubby, of course. That's the best, because I don't have to worry about a thing for the moment. He's not pressuring me to find a new job and thank God, because my heart is just not in it. After I give this book thing a go, then yes, I'll look for a job. But for now I'm perfectly content to be at home, not moving or shaking, not attending meetings of sitting in an office staring out the window and wishing I weren't sitting in an office staring out the window. I listen to the music that I love and sing out loud when I feel like it. I run or walk when I need a break, I eat lunch and at some point I make dinner, or run errands, or both. 

I am free. Unencumbered by nonsense, making no heavier decisions than what to thaw for the next day or when to go for a drive up in the mountains. I've never had an experience like this in my life, and I mean to make the most of it.

I'm still seeing the NUCCA guy, and he's helped me tremendously. I've also continued my pursuit of food additions and lately had two major (I'm talking earth shattering) wins: tomato and cashew. Both of them. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? For reals, and I'm beside myself with joy. Tomato for obvious reasons, I mean, come on - tomatoes rule. Cashews though, why such unbridled happiness? Because the cashew is central to paleo baking, and I'm just itching to do some good baking. I have a couple of fantastic paleo cookbooks that are not necessarily AIP friendly, but they can be by simply making some substitutions. I'm learning this stuff the hard way, I can assure you. That's how I learn pretty much everything! 

Anyway, the books are by Danielle Walker, and they are titled Against All Grain [blah blah etc.]. I got the first one from my NUCCA guy and then picked up Celebrations at Costco last weekend. OMG, this chick is not playing! She knows what she's doing. So far every recipe I've tried has been a knockout (in the good sense) and I'm dying to try more. There are recipes for cakes and cookies and breads... I could go on, but I won't. Get the books. Get them. 

Back to cashews, right? Right. Her bread recipes and lots of other baked goods have either cashew butter or raw cashews in them. I was super hesitant because of how the attempts to add cashews went in the past, but after tomatoes passed (4th time's the charm for food additions, apparently) I felt particularly ballsy and just said "fuck it". I bought some crazy expensive raw (not even organic, mind you!) cashews and threw a handful into my gullet. Raw cashews leave a little something to be desired flavor-wise, but after eating this way for well over a year I'm pretty much used to things being not-fantastic in their raw state. 

I waited. No reaction for 4, then 6, then 8, then 24 hours.

I ate another handful. Hey, they were starting to taste pretty good by the second handful! I jumped in with both feet, and had another handful later that day. 

I waited. No reaction for 1, then 2, then 3 days. 

I ate a few more for good measure. For a snack, actually. And it turned out to be true - cashews passed!

This proves to me, once again, that what I'm doing is the right thing for my body. After taking time to heal and avoiding foods that I reacted negatively to, I was able to add back in the two biggest offenders. 

A few weeks ago I also added rice back into my life. No reaction. I avoid it like the plague because of the carbs, but this opens up a new world of food to me. Pho! There's a Pho place nearby with GF Pho, and rice noodles that are so pillowy you want to lay your head on them. My goodness, it's a true winter delight! I'll be able to have it again this year. 

Right, that's probably enough for now. Back to working on the book for me, and back to healthy living for all of us.

Cheers to a new life!

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Deep Thoughts, by Me

August 11, 2016

I guess it's time for my daily spewing!

Today I bring you my head. I'll open it up for all to see, put my thoughts on display for you. Ready? It won't take long.

This little gem came spilling out of my cranium yesterday:

"People who say they need to find themselves are full of it. If you sit still long enough, yourself will come to you, and it's gonna want answers!"

Now where on earth did that come from? Deep I tell you, deeeeeeep inside. It is definitely a statement on how all of my dreams and my daydreams have been reminding me of the person I wanted to be, the person I could have been, the person maybe I should have been, the person I am now, and the person I will become. 

The way I see it, many of us are physiologically flawed. Some of us are born that way, others acquire their flaws throughout our lives. I don't know which category I'm in (I can guess but I have no proof) but I can see now that all of the decades of my innards being screwed up had an impact on me in numerous ways that are just being revealed to me. This sounds like some serious hippie talk - to me too! - but I'm starting to internalize it.

Today's pearl is probably not original but..

"Be the light that you seek." 

Boy if that doesn't sound like a bumper sticker from a yoga studio or an ashram in Oregon, I don't know what does. I meant it in the best possible way - don't look to others to make you happy or enlightened, look within. 

Is all of this healing really revealing the person that I once was that has been silenced by the mess my guts made of my brain? Is that so hard to believe? Yes it is, I'm a skeptic, but I'll be damned if all evidence isn't to the contrary lately. I mean - WOW. I'm waking from a 30-year long nap, I'm a little disoriented and don't recognize my face but my heart is slowly revealing itself to me, and I remember a lot of things about it. 

In case you're wondering, no, I'm not high. I swear! Or maybe I'm just high on life, and how incredible it feels to be getting well and emerging from my slumber.


Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Welp. Today. N Stuff.

August 10, 2016

I was late today due to an adjustment; they happen twice weekly at 8:00 AM, so I am perpetually late, it seems. But today offers new revelations and new insights, and I feel that it would be a mistake to overlook them by not recording them. Things are definitely shifting. Is it the NUCCA? Is it the result of having changed my life completely over a year ago, and the benefits are just starting to show? Is it both? Is it neither? Is it my age?

Bottom line: I honestly don't know. But reap the benefits I shall! In the end does it matter from whence the change comes? Imho that part doesn't matter as much as the transformation itself. 

Today: slept really well last night, even ignoring my bladder until 4:30 AM, which is unheard of. Oddly though, I'm not as thirsty at night and have probably cut my water consumption by 50%. Hooray, I still get enough but I'm not constantly running to the bathroom!

Back to today... I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and I looked lighter somehow. Not weight-wise, but in general. My color appeared to be lighter, brighter. Even my hair! This is so strange to experience but I'm starting to think that it's because some filter has been lifted from my brain. I no longer see care, worry, concern, anger, fear - but I just see me. Does that sound as crazy to you as it does to me? I hope I'm not going off the deep end here but - I am in earnest. I'm noticing things daily, and processing crap right outta my system. 

Two days ago, running, I came face to face with a bunch of garbage that has been holding me under its spell, some childhood guilt nonsense that wasn't my fault, and some other stuff in the present that I wasn't letting go. I tramped down the sidewalk on Cascade Avenue repeating "I forgive, I forgive, I forgive!" until it was gone. Here's what surprised me about this overly simplistic approach: it worked! This is now a ritual I practice when I'm running; face down a demon or two, process the guilt or anger or whatever, and basically exorcise it from my psyche. I'll be dipped in doodoo if it doesn't work.

Now a hard reality: meditation doesn't work for me, not really. I enjoy it while I'm doing it but even after almost 30 sessions I don't remember to be mindful at various times during my day, and I never take a moment to bring the attention back to the present. I don't have terrible monkey mind either, so I'm okay with this revelation. I did just pay for a year of Headspace and I will use it here and there for relaxation or specific tracks of mediation, but it's not going to be part of my every day. I have zen enough to go around thanks to clean eating and the toxin expelling exercise I partake in.

Finally, for today; I sat down at my desk and plugged into Radio Paradise. The first song to play, from the very beginning? Disappear. My second favorite Porcupine Tree song (it's close, but it's second to The Rest Will Flow). I was delighted! For the first time in the history of my knowing this song, I sang along with it and didn't get choked up. It's a sad song that I once related very closely with (witnessed in an entry in my other blog) and it always choked me up. NO MORE! That's a small but mighty victory.

For the next few days: Dr. NUCCA-man and I talked briefly about hiding behind things, because I left my glasses on and he removed them so as not to smash. He told me he had lasik and had never been so grateful as that first day he could see without glasses on. I scoffed, said I have an astigmatism (so does he) and quietly admitted that I don't know what I'd do without glasses. I kind of hide behind them, use them as a shield. I have known it for years and may have said it a few times, but it never became so damn clear. He challenged me, asked me what would I do if I didn't need to hide any longer? ARGH! Contemplating that one hard for a day or more... I'd love to know the answer.


Monday, August 8, 2016

Transformation, Period

August 8, 2016

Hello all, and if I may - sorry it has been so long! I think about posting all the time but my life and my body are in flux right now so that makes it hard. That's not a good reason for a lack of posting, it's just my reason.

Today I came to a startling realization: I am transforming. There are several reasons for this that I promise to at least touch on, but the reason this is important is because it has a major impact on everything that is me. Everything I think, say, do, dream, eat, drink - it's all being impacted by this tidal wave of change washing through my body and mind. 

Well over a year ago now I undertook the life changing step of starting on a strict Paleo AIP lifestyle. This step alone was transformative as it led me to lose weight and start healing. Part of that was emotional too; I was able to let go of lots of negative "things" that were hiding, crouched in the dark corners of my brain. Some of those were guilt, some were just terrible memories, others were regrets.

Ah, regret. 

A regret isn't always something that you're directly responsible for you, y'know? Sometimes it's a thought that you wish you hadn't thunk, or an action that you wish you'd taken, a word you wish you'd used... this list can go on. I lived my life sitting on a trunk full of regrets, bursting at the seams. Had I not sat on it they would have come crashing out, overwhelming me. 

I like to say that I don't have regrets, not the real "Oh I really screwed that pooch!" kind at least. There are so many things in life that are out of our control for which we end up carrying a burden; so many. I would love to live without guilt and regret because those two things hold me back. They hold all of us back from achieving our highest level of being ourselves. Yes, I truly believe that.

Anyway, I dealt with all of that and thought I had a pretty clean slate. Last summer and fall left me feeling good about myself. I was able to let go of some very old demons, forgive myself for some old stuff, and I thought, move on. 

Fast forward a year and a month, to June of this year. I'd been doing a good job of washing my conscience clean of guilt and processing regrets as they surfaced. I'd been faithful to my diet for a year and was feeling good. But physically I was in pain and I do mean that literally. I was hurting all the time. I kept on running and eating healing foods but my neck was hurting so badly that I feared something was really-really wrong. I was losing sleep, having a tough time running, even holding my head up felt like a burden. The base of my skull burned with pain and turning my head caused a hot jolt of pain to travel right up the back of my noggin to the top. It felt like it was shooting out of my eyes for God's sake. I had debilitating headaches every afternoon that lasted well into the evening. It was scaring the crap out of me. 

Years ago, make that about 7 of them, I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis and given a nerve root block of C-4/5 because I was in a tremendous amount of pain and nothing helped. Nerve tests showed a disconnect, so the block was applied and voila! I was better for several years. Naturally the recurrence of that kind of pain scared the bojangles out of me. Not being a huge fan of conventional medicine I thought it might be time to consult a chiropractor because something had to give. Also being a bit skeptical of chiros, having seen a few in my past and then having seen them do me no good whatsoever, I started listening to people. Some of my friends had been seeing this NUCCA chiro for a while and were reporting miraculous results. 

Here's a lil bit of info on that for you, should you care to check it out

Being doubly skeptical of some voodoo sounding nonsense, I went in for a consultation and x-rays. I didn't want to believe it because, well, I just didn't want to. I'm stubborn. But after he took x-rays and did a scan of my spine, he was able to tell me what was going on with me physically and mentally. Ever the yes-I'm-still-a-skeptic type, I allowed him to adjust me. It bears explaining that given the extent of the neck problems I've had in the past, I was quite hesitant to let anyone touch it, let alone a cracker who would warm me up and then crank my head at terminal velocity to allow the neck bones to crack (horrible memories of this!). Well these NUCCA guys don't do that, they do only soft tissue manipulation of the cervical spine. So sure, do that thing you do.

Welp - the first adjustment was nothing short of what everyone told me; it was miraculous. I felt nothing during the adjustment but as soon as it was done I burst into tears. There was a very warm sensation at C1, where all my pain lived, and after a few minutes it got downright hot, then POOF - the heat and the neck pain were - ready? - gone. Even I can't believe it, but it's true. And that day, no headache. I mean seriously, I thought this was insane!

So now I go twice a week and for the most part the adjustments leave me feeling physically better and better.  But when your spine has been holding your body and your mind hostage for decades, shit starts to get real when the spine shifts. I have been undergoing some major changes. Major. Physical, yes. Emotional, yes. Mental, yes. Big time.

Several weeks and 12 or so adjustments into this journey that may last a couple of years, I've started having the most vivid dreams. There are lots of snakes (representing transformation, probably) and reliving shit from my childhood. But what I've come to notice over the past couple of days is that it's much, much bigger than that. Everything inside of me is shifting. Some of it very uncomfortably.

High level: I feel like I don't really know myself. I'm trying to explain to me who I am, and that's not been easy. I feel lost. My confidence is in the crapper. I'm worried and ruminating and Jesus good Lord, I don't like it. I worry worry worry worry worry worry worry. I'm afraid that people don't like me (which is NOT LIKE ME at all, I don't care, I'm a take it or leave it kind of gal), I'm forgetting things and I pour my guts into running because right now it's the only thing making me feel better. 

So I run every day. Yes, every day. With very few exceptions, and I feel fantastic! In the running at least. The rest of me is like a quivering mess of self doubt, bad memories, fretting over stupid crap, etc. 

I know that this is part of the bigger picture and that all the shifting happening in my spinal cord is making waves of OHMYGOD happen to my body and my brain. I know this intellectually, but I still have to process all of it. And when I say all, I mean ALL. I'm questioning what I do for a living (do I really want to do this until I retire? what is it anyway? remember when you wanted to make a difference? well are you? are you following your dreams? remember when you wanted to be a writer/anthropologist/radio DJ/ventriloquist/go-go dancer? what happened to those dreams? huh? what?!), how many hours a day I sleep, my interactions with oh, everyone on the planet -- are you getting the picture? It's like a big nerve between my spine and my brain was pinched for decades and now that the pinch has been relieved the floodgates are OPEN. 

All I can say is yikes. Its scary! I'm 53 years old and to have all this stuff surface on me now is a nightmare. I'm questioning everything there is to question, and stuff that doesn't need to be questioned too. The huge, looming, $64,000 question is: do I just process this stuff out, or do I act on some of it? Or none of it? 


Tuesday, June 14, 2016

As The Stomach Turns...

There is a part of me, I'm quite certain, that loves to stay in denial. It's the eternal optimist, I think. I'll call her Kenina - a terrible name, and one I escaped having written on my birth certificate by a moment of clarity after my birth. Dad - Ken, Mom - Nina. Get it? I know, right? I think I would've ended up being a truck driver with that name -- but, I digress.

Kenina starts feeling better and thinks "I'm cured!", and then she stops trying so hard to make sure that every meal contains the right balance of protein and carbs, starches and fats. She gets all carried away with her daily pooping and blows off putting some fermenties on her plate at every meal (or two a day, at least - come on Kenina!), and she stops drinking bone broth therapeutically. Oh sure, she has soup now and then but it's summer now, kids, and it's getting kinda hot for soup. Kinda way hot, in typical Colorado fashion, as winter has just turned to summer BOOM - with no real spring to speak of. And yes, I have digressed yet again.

Leaky gut doesn't heal overnight. Dear Kenina, please try to remember that when the next time you get pissed off because your tummy hurts after having a Coke Zero (strictly verboten, I might add!). Also please keep to the routine that got you feeling better in the first place in order to maintain that good feeling, happy gut and continue the healing process WHICH, by the way, can take up to 2 years (or longer!) after a lifetime of foods that only made it worse. That kind of damage cannot be erased over the course of a month or two, or ten. Get over yourself girl - and remember that the longer you do the healing diet, the more success you will have!

Also please stop trying to add things that are problematic. You know that tomatoes are not your friend and yet, you just can't seem to help yourself. On Saturday you thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and eat some Barbacoa from Chipotle -- with guacamole. What does most guacamole have in it? Tomatoes! Smart girl, keep up with me here - NO! So when the tummy was upset for the next couple of days and you had a bout with explosive diarrhea on Sunday, what did you do? You wondered what could have caused that, didn't you? Yes you did, don't try to deny it. DUH!

Thank you. End rant. Onward Paleo soldiers!

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Holy Long Year, Batman!

Well my dears, cheers to a year! Lift your glass of (not beer) and give me a chin-chin through the interwebs. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of my foray into this world of gut healing, and it has been mighty long, to say the least.

(Mine is a mug of organic coffee with organic coconut milk creamer, can I get an amen? Thank you!)

Squirrel! Here's the recipe for the coconut milk creamer, again, updated to include only organic ingredients:

1 can of organic, full fat coconut milk, 13.5 oz
2 tablespoon of organic, raw coconut oil (melted an cooled)
1 egg (organic, free range)
1 teaspoon of organic, alcohol free vanilla extract
Either 1 teaspoon (or more) organic liquid Stevia or 1 tablespoon raw, local honey

Add any organic flavorings you'd like to make it yummier, then blend until combined. I use the single serving blending cup for my Ninja and this fits perfectly. KEEP REFRIGERATED for God's sake, there's a raw egg in it! This will keep for up to 7 days but I never have it that long. It's delish on fruit and if you water it down a bit you can use it as a milk for things like Paleo granola. Just - yum!

Okay, bye bye Mr. Squirrel, let's talk!

This long journey has put me through many trials, from which I have learned and benefited immensely. It has been tough, I have been downright vapid at times, and even though "I know better" I still break the rules, but now only when I'm on vacation, and very specifically - at Disneyland. 

I behaved myself all through the cousins' weekend a couple of weeks ago and actually left Palm Springs, CA a few pounds lighter (first time EVER) because I didn't overeat at all, and I didn't break one rule. Not one! Good girl, somebody gimme a sticker!

But then, Disney. And when I say I broke the rules I mean I smashed them to smithereens for two days. Breakfast consisted of nasty buffet eggs, under-ripe fruit and potatoes. Say whaaaaaaaaat? True story. Followed quickly by a coconut milk latte from Starshmucks, which maybe doesn't sound so bad, but their coconut milk is a disgrace (check it: I was tired, damn it! And they don't have almond milk. Even if they did I imagine it would be equally disgraceful, but I digress.

Mid morning snack? Box of popcorn (Pop Secret!) and a diet Coke! And I loved it!

Lunch? A fat, juicy, ginormous smoked turkey leg (recipe! and a Coke Zero (no better than diet Coke, unless flavor counts - then, yes!). 

Mid afternoon snack? Box of popcorn and Dasani water. Not as terrible as the previous, I suppose.

By now I was crop dusting the park as the gas began to build and the pooch began to swell. But did I knock it off? No!

Dinner? Double cut pork chop with a few green beans an mushrooms. Mostly meat. And a glass of sparkling wine. And then a glass of red wine. At least I 'just said no' to the gluten free bread, right?!

Evening, pre-fireworks snack: Minnie Mouse chocolate dipped caramel apple with marshmallows and a sugar butt:

Image result for minnie mouse apple disneyland

Just one, not a full tray but -- still. 

Then, nothing, thank the Lord. I was done. And that lovely confection had my stomach gobbed up in knots almost immediately. Bound me up for two days, but I went in with eyes wide open!

I shan't take you though the second day, although it wasn't as bad, I must admit. We left the park at 5:00, had a semi-reasonable dinner and went to bed early so as to get up at the butt crack of dawn and head to the airport.

POOP TALK: No pooping for two days is like an eternity to me now. I cannot imagine how sick I must have been when I didn't poop for 7-10 days straight! That was very typical for me, and at the time I didn't feel great but I had no idea of the poison that was left to fester inside of me. It's astounding how far I've come in only one year, no matter how long that year felt whilst I was living it. 

So, cheers again!

Meanwhile, I came home and cleaned my act right back up, of course. After a few days (and a bout of epic, bowl painting diarrhea) I felt very normal again, and the inevitable junk food pooch was down, so I started running like a maniac over the weekend and -- surprise -- I tried to add tomatoes to my diet again!

I cannot yet say if said introduction (of a single organic tomato) was success or failure, because although I didn't have a major reaction, I did have some phantom lower GI pain last night. I will clean it back up for a week and try it again. I so desperately want tomato back in! 

I've gone on long enough, my dears. Work calls and I think I need to poop (and grab a second cup of coffee, long weekend, not enough sleep), but I wanted to give and update and wish myself a happy food-iversary! 

Love y'all, hang in there - I have more updates to give you but work has been incredibly busy so I will need to make time in the very near future for updating the blog. 

Image result for peace out

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Unexplained Weight Gain Update

The universe seems to be trying to tell me something...

After I posted what I posted yesterday (WUT!) I glanced through State of Slim only to learn that, guess what? It really isn't very adaptable to a Paleo lifestyle, let alone a Paleo AIP lifestyle. 

Well, f word.

Except for a suggestion or two, that is. 

What I can do: make sure I'm active every damn day, for an hour. I can do that. I can also eat smaller meals and spread them out during the day. Got it. Other than that, pretty much nada, because their recommendations have a lot of dairy in them. Just, no.

So yay, small take away. 

This morning whilst cruising Twitter, as I am wont to do in the morning, I ran across an article written by a runner who gained a bunch of weight during a recovery from an injury. She is a distance runner and she didn't stop eating at distance runner levels during her recovery and gained 25 pounds. While this is not my problem at all, I got a take away from that article too: what she did to take the 25 off again was make sure that she got to run every day, and (you're not going to believe this) ate more like a caveman. Small meals with lean proteins, veg and healthy fats. OH, and strength training (which she hates just like I do).

Kind of the same thing as the book, eh? 

Again, I realize that what these two sources are suggestion were never meant to address autoimmune conditions or their complications, surely I can try the two things that I took away? Okay, three things. Strength training wouldn't be the worst thing. I just dislike it so very much.


But seriously, stop calling me Shirley.

I have to do something because what I've been doing simply isn't working any longer and I'm dangerously close to panic over it. The tighter my jeans get, the less I want to eat, and that morphs into a tiny eating disorder and those never end well. 

I'm once again at my whit's end, and that, sadly, is a pretty common state for me. Vacation is less than a month away and here I am, heavier than I want to be and for reasons that I just don't understand. I'm not in denial, I'm not delusional about how much or what I eat or how much I exercise. It's counter-intuitive to keep ending up right back where I started, feeling the pounds come on day after day. 

Why Hashimoto's - WHY?

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

'D' Is For Dilemma!

Howdy paleo warriors, fighters against Hashimoto's, and e'rybody else that happens to read this blog!

Today I come to you with a real life problem, one that has happened to me countless times before and is happening - yet again - even as I type.

Unexplained weight gain.

Yep, the struggle is so very, very real.

As I have written before, there have been plenty of times in my life when I've managed to find a way to lose weight and keep it off for a period of time only to have it come creeping back on. Here we go again, folks. Here we go again.

Since Christmas I've been maintaining a slightly higher than desirable weight of 151. It dipped and rose a couple of times but was pretty constant. I've been running a minimum of 60 miles each month as I strive to get into race shape so that I can conquer some serious 10k races this year and for a good month and a half I was running 5 miles at lunch 2-3 times each week and not feeling any the worse for wear. 

March came, I gained 5 lbs like - BOOM! It was on and I have no idea why. 

Changes in diet? No.
Changes in supplements? No.
Changes in habits? No. Unless being more active counts.
Changes in meds? Well, yes. Dr. Evil did reduce my thyroid hormone slightly.
Changes in patterns? Uh, yeah. Sleep went back to the less than restful category.

So what did I do in response?

More activity: not just running, but getting up off my ass on non-running days to walk and make sure I get to 10k steps each day. I also added a toning routine of squats, lunges and abs to my non-running repertoire.

Stopped drinking alcohol: yes, really. For close to 4 weeks now (with the exception of two glasses of wine on two separate Fridays).

Gave up almond butter: delicious and nutritious though it may be, it is calorie dense and loaded with fat. Buh-bye.

Eliminated almond milk: just in case. It has some less than desirable ingredients.

Close adherence to paleo protocol: more bone broth, more fermenties, more veg and less animal protein.

Eating less at each meal, adding tiny between meal meals.

What was the result? I gained another pound! And got constipated. 

I got myself a copy of  State of Slim (James O. Hill, PhD and Holly R. Wyatt, MD) because I do live in Colorado, and would love to know the secrets of the mile high metabolism because let's face it: I don't have much of a metabolism to rely on. It may not, like so many other diets, apply to me because I'm special in a way I never wanted to be, but it's worth a shot. 

If that doesn't help I may have to go back to basics, starting with the liquid amino acid diet and gradually adding foods back in. Wouldn't be the worst way to spend a second summer, I can think of worse things. What I can't deal with right now is the fact that whenever I find something that works - and this plan has worked better than anything I've tried in my life - it's like my body goes "Aw hell no, you're putting that weight back on bitch!". It's ridiculously annoying.

So now I sit here, frustrated beyond belief, and wonder just what the hell I'm supposed to do next? If anyone has suggestions, I'd love to hear them. 

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

I Did Something Stoopy (AGAIN)

This post is categorized under: Do I ever learn???

The answer, evidently, is just NO.

Are oats allowed on the Paleo diet? NO.

Did I try to add them anyway? YES.

Did I react? Oh my God, YES. Gas. Bloating. Cramps. Sneezing. Headache for two days.

I guess that's pretty bad, eh? And why? Because I'm stubborn, and sometimes even though I know what's good for me and what isn't, I stray. Even though I know the limitations I have placed on myself are there for a good reason, sometimes I crave an alternative to acorn squash "oatmeal" (especially at the end of squash season when the offerings are small, tough and stringy), and damn it I love oatmeal - but the answer is simply: no. No you can't have that. Sorry pal.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Stuck in a Rut

Thursday February 11th, 2016


Today I'm writing because I know how discouraging this road can be. I know it, because I live it, every single day of my life. 

Case in point: two days ago I accidentally drank my hubby's tea with delicious cow's milk in it. He noticed before I did (I just thought I was having the cuppa ever) and we swapped after I'd had about a third of the cup. 

My immediate reaction was panic.

Damn milk, damn my gut, damn everything! I didn't know if I should let it ride or throw up. Then it occurred to me that I hadn't attempted any additions in a long time, so maybe it was time to try milk. 

Then, I waited.

I had no reaction whatsoever that day, or all of yesterday. I thought well this is good! I can try milk for real now! So this morning I put cow's milk in my tea, and drank the whole cuppa. There was maybe a 16th of a cup of milk in it, probably closer to a couple of tablespoons. The reaction was swift and certain: I got bloated and felt the "brick wall" go up in my digestive tract. 

Damn milk, damn my gut. Still a no-go for moo juice.

I say the damns because just recently I have been craving cheese terribly, and have been tempted to put it into my mouth. Just to taste! I miss that. If I can't have milk, I can't have cheese, duh. Which puts me back in the ol' holding pattern.

I feel you, I really do! Know that you are not alone. You and your gut, me and my gut - we are all in this together. Be patient, wait it out, allow your gut to heal, etc. In the long run it will be worthwhile, in the short term it's a massive pain in the patootey.

Image result for hang in there meme

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

A Not Terrible Checkup With Dr. Evil


Almost a week ago I went to see my endocrinologist (Dr. Evil: the one who called me fat, told me to get over myself, and regularly lectures me on the health benefits of things that are full of artificial ingredients and taking a hit of Benefiber before each meal) and it didn't completely suck. Whaaaaat? I know, right?! But it's true.

First let me tell you that I forgot to get my blood drawn two weeks prior, which is her stern warning because sometimes it takes that long to get the vitamin D levels or something. I had a reminder on my calendar but then I changed phones and poof. Gone.

Anywho, I panicked and went to the lab on a snowy, icy Friday morning when my appointment was looming only 6 days later. I called her office on the following Tuesday and they assured me they had received the results. Whew! Only bummer too, because that meant I couldn't postpone my appointment. 

Then, the dread set in.

What was my A1c level? Would she be mad that I was taking all kinds of natural supplements? Would she berate me for not checking my blood sugars, even though she said it was optional and I said I probably wouldn't? Would I disappoint her with my holiday weight gain? Would she find something to disapprove of? Didn't she always find something to disapprove of???

Thursday morning I skipped breakfast, because: weight in. I knew I could eat at work aftewards, no big deal. I had my tea and went to her office. The weigh in went well, 151. I sneaked a peak at the paperwork and noted that I'd weighed more than that the last time I visited - YAY! Blood pressure, pulse ox, pulse - all normal. YAY!

I waited and waited in the consultation room (she's notoriously late, even for the first appointment in the morning, the one I always request), nodding off, playing Candy Crush Soda, biding my time. When she finally arrived, she had a smile on her face, and she was gushing at me over my detailed list of supplements. She said "if only all of my patients would do this!" to which I replied "you like?" and she said "very much!".

She then proceeded to verbally shred it. This was the longest, and worst, part of my appointment. A few things shook out of this part; mainly that I needed to check all of the natural supplements that Dr. Jessica has me taking, and make sure none of them contain any thyroid or thyroid hormone (2 of them did: Drenamin and Thytrophin PMG). Taking thyroid extracts are not good if you want to stay regulated on your synthetic thyroid hormone, apparently. So those are both off my list now. Also she told me to immediately stop taking krill oil, no problem. And vitamin e, for some reason. She said, and I quote: "Vitamin e will kill you.". How? I don't know. Taking it no more. She also asked me to see my PMD about getting some blood levels checked (vitamin B and Magnesium, specifically) because she senses that I don't need to take either of those. Could be. They were additions I made based on Root Cause and recommendations therein - perhaps I don't need them any longer.

So here we see the dilemma: how does one strike a balance between recommendations from their endo and the very different recommendations from their homeopathic nutritionist? I'm still figuring that one out, and will get back to you when/if I arrive at a solid conclusion. For the moment I am going to continue NOT filling my body with chemicals and garbage that it doesn't need, but will always default to natural, organic, non-GMO, dairy-gluten-soy-corn-peanut free supplements, and take it from there.

I've been off of the Drenamin and Thytrophin PMG for 5 days now, and I feel very fine. She also suggested that I stop taking Withania Complex but I haven't yet, because I'm nearly out of that one and am so stubborn! The other two, Jesus good Lord in heaven, I just bought large amounts of and am a little more than a little miffed that I spent a lot of healthcare dollars on them only to upper-shelve them. But, given that they both contain bovine thyroid extract, I don't want to take them anymore.

Lesson #4,679.2 - always, and I do mean ALWAYS check what's in the supplements being recommended for you. Damn it. I learned this one (as I learn most of them, to be honest) the hard way!

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

2016, Here At Last (wink-wink)

Greetings one and all!

The new year is here, has been for lo' these past 12 days already. I have met the new year head on by challenging myself in ways previously mentioned: losing my holiday "overindulgence" weight, and running (at least) my portion of the 2,016 miles team Three Sheets to the Wind signed up for.

Thus far, it's going pretty well. 

I managed to get myself back down to 150 without too much effort or sacrifice. Sadly, 150 isn't my goal, lol! I want to get back down to 145, and I know I can do it. It's going to take some time and likely extra effort to get there this go 'round, but I'm willing to do what I have to.

This week I'm still dealing with some of the awful effects of this damn disorder, although I'm no longer sure why. Seasonal issues? Perhaps, but with new supplements from Dr. Jessica I have been feeling much better and haven't been experiencing the gut issues. The most troublesome symptom at this time is the hair loss. I had a great, full, thick head of hair going until late November; not any longer. It's thinning like mad, as every time I shower I pull a big wad of hair out. It webs between my fingers and clumps in the drain. This is a huge backslide for me, and while it is quite demoralizing I have to move forward. Could it be the cheaper Biotin I got for myself at Trader Joe's? I suppose it could.

Among the other issues I'm still having: hot flashes (getting fewer and farther between, thank God), really-rally hard, dry poops (can't figure this one out to save my life), cold sensitivity is rearing its ugly head again, and I still want to sleep 8-9 hours BUT I do have my waking life energy back, which is great news.

Good news, I'm not having near the issues I had with eczema prior to this year, so YAY.

The running is going VERY well, I'm quite happy to say. Below are my totals thus far. I'm sitting at over 28 miles for the month, and will be putting some miles in today. The weekends are my best performances, I have time whilst doing laundry so I get on my trampoline and jog for an hour or more. On Saturday, clearly more. I'm sore as hell today from putting 11 miles in over the weekend, but it's a good kind of sore - the kind you know you earned. 

I've also started up with strength training again. As much as I loathe doing it, I always feel better after and I have to admit that it helps my running (and my shape, holy crap!). I do have to be careful to find modifications of some of the exercises so as not to screw up my neck or my knees, but my friend/ruthless trainer is really good at providing me with alternatives. 

I'm supposed to go see Dr. Evil this week (my infamous endocrinologist) but I spaced out getting my labs drawn on new year's eve, and didn't get them done until last Friday. Not good. Trying to get through to them now to reschedule, but their phone just rings and rings... also not good!

Okay, back to work for me. TTYL!